Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
