This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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