I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
