Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
