It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
