I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
