my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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