I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I've blown a few things in my day
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
