i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
