ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
