I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
