I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
