you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
