i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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