kristin has been a bad kristin
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize