He kissed a someone with a penis
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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