i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
