accomplished twins. life is a go
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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