Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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