i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
