first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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