i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
