I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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