people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All the doctor said was why
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
