You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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