I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
