My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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