oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
