Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
