Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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