shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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