One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have grass duct taped all over my body
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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