dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
