You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
