I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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