I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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