You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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