I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
