I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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