A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
