if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
