We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
