Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
