i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
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