I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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