btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
