She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
