Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
