craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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