The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
