Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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