We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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