That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I will pee on everything he values.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
