You're earring is so big in my mouth
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
