we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Alive.
So much puke
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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