i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
