There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
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Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize