Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
