Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
