what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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