Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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