a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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