We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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