Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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