this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize