Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
