Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
