Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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